How are you saved in your partner’s phone?

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    Keith T Mambo
    Keith T Mambo
    Keith T. Mambo is currently a reporter for ZiMetro News . He focuses on identity politics for The Southern Eye. He was previously a fellow at the UCT University of Cape Town for Political Science.

    How are you saved in your partner’s phone?

    I have this curious friend with longer hands who went through his girlfriend’s phone. The reason he went through her phone is, he says, to find out how he was saved.

    To his surprise, his name wasn’t registered anywhere. He typed his name in the search space and there were no results found. He typed his first name, nothing.

    He typed his second name, nothing. He typed both his names, nothing. He typed in ‘babe’ but nothing came. He just sat there, his hands on his cheeks, and wondered, “Is this really her phone?”

    The little Einstein in him suggested that he simply dial the number and see what name will be displayed. He did. And he was saved as ‘sis’. Not sister, but ‘sis’. He politely put her phone down and stood up. Sad. Dejected. He paced about, his hands in his pockets, and on his head. “Why am I saved as sis?” He wondered, gritting his teeth.

    When his girlfriend stepped out of the shower, she found an angry lion seated in stony silence. “Babe, what’s wrong?” She asked. He was furious albeit silent. No, he was burning in anger. Up in flames. In his mind, she was cheating on him. Because there’s no way she would save her boyfriend as ‘sis’. He’s never met her sis after all. What was she hiding?

    He gathered the courage and asked her, “Why am I saved as sis in your phone?” He asked, his eyes in his hands, swallowing hard. She dropped the towel on the floor upon hearing the question read to her. In her mind, she had been nabbed. And she was cooking for an excuse. A lie that would bandage his wounded heart.

    Clearly, she was nabbed. She looked at him and stammered, “Babe…babe…!” He wasn’t buying any of her explanations. In fact, no sane human being would buy her explanations in that moment. Anyway, to cut the story short, they are no longer seeing each other. It ended.

    Here’s the drill, people. The smallest of things, like a name in the phonebook, mean a lot. They reflect how you treat the other party. There’s been stories about the same topic.

    Another acquaintance was saved as a mechanic. The other, just initials. Imagine being saved as LMAO. Some people aren’t too creative, they opt for a description. Isaac Big Nose. Or worse, James Small Legs. It hurts. Why are humans so cruel?

    Another friend had saved his girlfriend by the location they both met at. They met at a bar. He claims he was too high to cram her name. So, he attached the bar’s name against her name for memory’s sake. It was silly, laughable and sad in the same measure. This business of saving each other’s phone numbers with weird names is bad. Please stop. Don’t be shady.

    If you’re in love with someone, at least, be kind enough to pepper their name with proverbial sweet words. Call them babe. Love. Sweet. Call them sweet words. You claim to love them, channel the same energy to the names as well. You don’t want to break your partner’s heart when they find out that they are saved as ‘gardener’ or worse, the ‘Moto guy’.

    We live in a world where finding people who speak the truth is an extreme sport. It’s hard to chance on someone who will be on the same page with you. There’s a bit of shadiness in everyone.

    People are hiding skeletons. They are playing hide-and-seek. They are stuck in this life game where everyone’s getting played. Rather, everyone is getting preyed. In the process, there’s no transparency among people. They rather walk into your life and play a character as though it’s Game of Thrones.

    Now, go ahead and, jokingly, ask your partner how you’re saved in their phone. If they stammer and excuse themselves to the bathroom, cancel them.

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